January 4, 2013

by jkatejohnston

Dear Max,

Still have not settled on a New Year’s Resolution.  Trying for something realistic but not too depressing.

Teresa suggested a joint resolution to let ourselves go.  It came up because we both had to do a hard re-set after the holidays, eating no carbs at all, god help us, and we were lying in bed talking about bread.  “Would it be so terrible to just be fat?” Teresa said.  “This is America!  I see fat people everywhere, and they look pretty happy to me.”  She has a point.  On the other hand, I’m forty-four, and I can still run faster than Enzo in an emergency, and you can’t do that if you’re fat.  Of course I take a tiny pee with each stride.  (I blame him for that.)  Anyway, it could be worse.  I could be incontinent and fat.

Maybe my resolution should be to buy new Spanx.  Mine are several years old, and they’ve mellowed.  Or perhaps just given up.  I need Spanx Extreme:  The Next Generation.  Or maybe Spanx 2.0:  Seismic Compression.