February 10, 2013

by jkatejohnston

Dear Max,

Having kids:  All argument is against it, all experience for it.  (Well, most experience.)

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Teresa:  Prin!  You’re such a mechanic!  (As I tighten a screw on Enzo’s new basketball hoop.)  Advantage of being gay:  she can patronize me for being a woman and it doesn’t matter. 

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Teresa:  If you want to keep playing outside, you have to put on a sweater.

Enzo:  A real basketball player would do it in any conditions.

Teresa:  Not if his mom is there.

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Enzo:  This is what Ninjas do when they really pick their nose.  (Demonstrating right pinkie in left nostril; left pinkie in right nostril.)

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Enzo:  I was such a dork when I was little.

Me:  You were little.

Enzo (brightening):  It’s not against the law to be little.

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Enzo: (looking through an old photo album)  I’m studying your history.

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Enzo:  (Walking to the door in his pajamas with tears in his eyes.)  Mom, you leave me no choice.  I’m leaving the house.  By myself.  Forever.  (All this because I insisted that he stop watching TV for two minutes and take a pee so he wouldn’t explode.)

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Teresa:  You know how a little praise just makes you glow?  Mrs. Korte (Enzo’s teacher) said she liked the way I sorted the laundry, and all day it kept coming into my mind, and it felt so good.

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Teresa:  You know that woman at the gym who was always watching political shows and yelling at the TV during the election?  Now that the election’s over she still yells at the TV.  She’s like, “Aw!  You’re kidding me!”–and it’s a home improvement show.

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Enzo:  (to Duncan, the cat):  Heel!  Sit!  Shake!  (And Duncan just looks at him.)

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Enzo doing experiments in the kitchen with juice popsicles, a garlic press, a bench scraper, a mortar and pestle and a mellon baller.  Then he gets out my instant-read thermometer.

Me:  I don’t think you really need a thermometer.

Enzo:  I have to study how cold it is and see how hard it’s going to break.

*

Another experiment with water, many small bowls, and four bottles of Sno-Cone syup, each a different color and flavor:

Me:  What are you making?

Enzo:  Amphibian juice.

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