January 25, 1995

by jkatejohnston

Dear Max,

Remember those Thank You notes I wrote for Michele? [Michele had commissioned me to ghost write some witty thank you notes for Jack’s baby gifts.] Well I have to do another one. Great Aunt Rose and her son Fat Arthur (he doesn’t know that this is his real name) sent Jack an engraved silver rattle, and I wrote the Thank You note, but Michele put off sending it–to her sorrow, because in the meantime Aunt Rose died, and Fat Arthur had a heart attack and lost his toe in a diabetic attack. Michele is convinced that her procrastination caused all this, so, I am now being commissioned to write a Condolence/Thank you/Get Well/Apology note. I’m charging double the usual amount, and Teresa says that if Fat Arthur dies, I can name my own price. 

I’ve completed some drafts:

Dear Fat Arthur, I feel that I drove your mother to an early grave by not mailing this Thank You note sooner.  (No, no, no!)  Sincerely…

Dear Fat Arthur, Condolences on your toe, your heart attack and your mother.  Thanks for the gift!  Sincerely…

Dear Fat Arthur, I was so sorry to hear about you loss (toe and mother).  I was also so sorry to hear about your heart attack.  The rattle is lovely.  Sincerely… 

 

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