17 May 2013

by jkatejohnston

Dear Max,

I entered a writing contest in Oprah Magazine. The prize is you get to stay in a fancy hotel on Maui for a week and then meet Oprah at her organic farm. My plan is to press my slender food book—Delusions For Breakfast available on Amazon, see link above—anyway, press my slender food book into her powerful hands, and she’ll love it so much that she’ll re-start the Oprah Book Club and I’ll finally be famous.

My grandma says my food book is my best. She’s wrong, but wrong in a way that almost everyone is likely to be wrong, so maybe that makes her right. I’m a bit wary of any writing of mine that has a beginning, an ending, anything that smells like a theme, conclusions or answers of any kind, opinions that last longer than a few seconds, neat tyings up of loose ends, or cute parting words. Still, the food book’s not bad. It has a subject other than myself. Maybe that’s what I don’t like about it.

My other plan for Fame and Fortune is to write the first realistic diet book in history called Hungry, Cranky & Bored Off My Ass. And make millions. The problem is, that’s the whole book.

And there’s always the Bake-Off. 

Prospects, Max, prospects. Irons in the fire.