Savant: Roughly equal parts warm bulgur wheat and finely chopped parsley. Basil, mint, green onion, olive oil (a lot), Muscat orange champagne vinegar (only because I don’t have a lemon but this turns out to be a good thing), salt (more than most of you would think), the last of the caramelized onions.
Lately I’ve been cooking a bunch of bulgur using the same method as white rice, then I freeze portions in Ziploc snack bags (sorry environment and future generations). It warms in a couple of minutes in the microwave (take out of bag first). And then you can start adding stuff. It’s pretty fun.
And yes, I know this is not authentic tabouli. Don’t be telling to me about tabouli. I had tabouli in my kindergarten lunchbox have spent the rest of my life living in down. My first solid food was baba ganoush, and that was in not-yet-war-torn Beirut, 1968. So I know what I’m doing here. And for sacrilege, it’s not bad.
Idiot: Rolled oats, chia seeds (fuck me), toasted slivered almonds, golden raisins, chopped dried apricots, coconut milk (why?), not enough salt, stevia (or other fake sugar). Combine. Press into greased Pyrex. Bake at 250 degrees for an hour and throw away.