13 June 2013
(5:15 a.m.) The Bake Off semi-final results are due today, but they aren’t posted yet. I’m all ready to curse those Pillsbury motherfuckers, but I can’t quite do it yet.
(8:30 p.m.) I’m so depressed. There’s no justice. See above. Pillsbury motherfuckers.
We were doing last-day-of kindergarten activities all day, so finally, at the second potluck I asked someone to check the Bake Off results on her iPhone. She scrolled and scrolled. Crispy Lime Turkey Cheeseballs…Lime in the Coconut Cookie Fudge…Honey Roasted Corn and Crab Puffs. And I wasn’t there. It felt a little bit like checking bar exam results. Only this time I didn’t pass.
I can never manage to sound as dead tired as I am. Take my word for it. Even my fingers are sick and tired of the whole thing. They feel heavy and can’t type right.
Still sad about the Bake Off. I realize now that I was pretty much counting on at least making it into the semi-finals. The Bake Off was my back-up plan. Back-up plans are supposed to be reliable.
Plan A: Writer (not working out)
Plan B: Lawyer (mediocre results)
Plan C: Bake Off winner interviewed by Oprah, who discovers she is also Writer. First gay Bake Off winner. And isn’t her family adorable?