Plan A: Writer. Might as well start with a novel. If that doesn’t work out, you can always be a famous poet. Non-fiction possibilities: endless.
Plan B: Teacher. Top buttons and buttonholes on all shirts and dresses to be meticulously maintained at all times. Students who who wait until the end of class to point out button failure to be summarily flunked.
Plan C: Lawyer. Fuck it, why not? (Continue with button maintenance.)
Plan D: The Pillsbury Bake Off. With your flair, you have an excellent shot at the Jiff Peanut Butter Award. And ten grand is nothing to sneeze at.
Plan F: Exactly what it sounds like. Alternatively, move forward with series of humorous yet effective diet books (see Plan A).