Ingenius Suppositions & Distant Surmises

by jkatejohnston

5 September 2013

Dear Max,

Enzo ate most of his lunch and pooped at school—after school was over, but still, everything is moving in the right direction. So far, all we know about school is what’s going in and what’s coming out.

Since barefaced questions have been discouraged, we’ve fallen back on ingenious suppositions and distant surmises. Last night I was lying in Enzo’s bed for the last snuggle before sleep, and I tried to lure him into talking about it by telling him that when I was in first grade I walked to school and so did my teacher, and one day we were walking together and I was wearing corduroy pants and Miss Sherrill said it was fun to wear corduroy because it makes a nice noise when you walk. And I added, “Do you know what corduroy is? Like those brown pants you had.”

“I thought corduroy wasn’t even invented way back in the Sixties.”

“It was the Seventies. Don’t you think it’s kind of cool that you have a man for a teacher?”

“Yeah.” And that was it.

And I found out from Jen’s comment on yesterday’s diary that on the first day of school they played some kind of complicated patty cake game. So I tried teaching him “Down By The Banks of the Hanky Panky” which totally didn’t work, and then I said, “Why don’t you show me one?” He started to, for like a second, and then gave up in exasperation.

But the Hanky Panky got us started on all the rhymes we knew.

“How about this one?” I said, “Now you can never ever tell this to Davia. It’s just like the kindergarten baby thing.” That piqued everybody’s interest. (Davia is his cousin who lives in Texas.)

California Oranges
Texas Cactus
We think your team
Needs a little practice
Put ’em in a high chair
Feed ’em with a spoon
We can beat your team
Any afternoon.

“Is that because the 49er’s can totally beat the Texans?”

“Pretty much,” said Teresa.

“And the Cowboys too,” I said, “If they even exist anymore.”

Teresa confirmed that the Dallas Cowboys exist. Barely.

Then we moved on to making up variations on the “I see London, I see France” theme. So far we have:

I see Paris, I see Rome
I see Enzo sittin’ on the throne.

I see Italy, I see Paree
I see Mama Kate taking a pee.

I see Iran, I see Iraq
I see Enzo’s little butt crack
(Enzo subbed in Mama Kate’s big, long butt crack.)

I see Nairobi, I see Timbuktu
I see Enzo sittin’ on the loo.

We had to explain “loo” but as soon as we did his appreciation was total.

So I leave you with this challenge—leave a comment on the same theme. Rules are loose.