Oh Dear, Oh My

by jkatejohnston

13 September 2013

Dear Max,

Enzo’s kindergarten teacher said almost everything in a quiet sing-song, very soft and no real tune, which sounds dreadful, but it worked. The kids listened and no joke. When something was seriously not acceptable she would go so far as to say, “Oh dear. Oh my.”

One day Teresa was driving Enzo and Magnus around, eavesdropping on their conversation which probably consisted mostly of gunfire and explosions, and then she heard one of them say, “Oh dear,” and the other replied, “Oh my.” They were amused but not mocking. They loved Mrs. Korte.

And a few days ago Mrs. Korte told Teresa that the drinking fountain at the park where they do their nature walk was broken in such a way that Miss Gillespie got soaked trying to help the kids get a drink.

“Oh dear,” said Teresa.

“Oh my,” said Mrs. Korte.

*

Winstons taste good
Like a cigarette should
Winstons taste good
Like an hmm, ah
Want a piece of pie
Pie too sweet
Want a piece of meat
Meat too tough
Want to ride a bus
Bus too full
Want to ride a bull
Bull too black
Want my money back
1-2-3 turn me green
Want to get to heaven in a submarine
Hot dog baby
Sugar and gravy
There goes the lady
With the bald-head baby like you!

But when I taught that to Enzo I changed it to:

Bubblicious tastes good
Like a bubble gum should. 

The censoring impulse is such a silly one. Do I really think a nonsense rhyme is going to turn him into a nicotine fiend? It’s about as likely as 1-2-3, turn me green. But I’m sticking with the Bubblicious. You never know.

Along the same lines, there’s a sign on the sidewalk outside Teresa’s little gym that says, OPEN 24 HOURS. It’s a simple setup with letters you can move around. The other side of the sign says stuff about specials, massages and so on. So someone rearranged the letters, borrowing some from the other side, and now one side says, PENIS 24 HOURS. And I’m dying to tell Enzo. But it just seems like that particular delight shouldn’t come from us.

 

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