Rounding Up

by jkatejohnston

9 November 2015

Dear Max,

In the same way that thirteen-year-olds read Seventeen, I now read AARP The Magazine. It has some good tips, such as making sure your home is adequately lit. Our home is shittily lit. Last night I was reading The Hundred Days in bed with crap lighting and no glasses and listening to the recorded books version at the same time. The audio fills in what I miss because can barely make out the letters on the page, and the printed words fill in what I miss because my listening attention wanders. So I’ve managed to make even reading into a multi-task.

Speaking of our advancing age, a few days ago Teresa was on hold for a long time with an insurance company. The hold music kept being interrupted by ads and offers. One offer said, “If you are fifty or older press 3.” She pressed 3. (She’s fifty-one.) The recording said, “Congratulations! You qualify for a free Life Alert Emergency Call Button!”

And how much do you want to bet that when you drop down dead clutching the Call Button, they put you on hold? For Eternity.

*

p.s. (November 20) I’ve decided to try putting short things on this online diary. It seems pretty lame, but if other people’s attention spans are anything like mine, maybe it’s for the best. And it’s what I have.

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